Dragon Devoid, Dragon Dead...

I have a confession to make... During my absence since my last entry, my life has been falling apart... The thing is, it's me who's allowing it to happen... I'd go so far as to even say I am encouraging it... For sure I know I am not doing anything to hinder the descent... It's a long story, one I hate to share, but share it I must... Not for any gain on my part, but for those whore are close and dear to me... To my family, my friends, my loved ones, I am so sorry... To Angie, I know you're still keeping an eye on me from heaven, and I know I've betrayed your memory... You were the one true Dragon, not I... I am sorry, Seraph Draconis...
I don't know where to start, but I guess it's best to start with my course of life, my studies and the like... I've let my emotions get the better of me once again, I fear... For those of you who knew me back then, when I was still in Australia studying, and when my personal life was troubled with my breakup with my fiancee, I fell apart, and lost my opportunity to study abroad... It was by no means her fault that such a thing happened, for it was mine to allow myself to wallow in my depression and sorrow... Wasn't a good time for it either, with my semester just starting and everything... This time around, it's happened once again with my recent ex... Breaking up a week before college, I first thought I could hold it together... But as the weeks went by, I found myself sinking more and more into self-pity and neglected all that was offered to me... I am placing to blame on nobody but myself... To those involved in this, I am sorry... To my parents, I do not seek your forgiveness, for I know I've asked for it far too many times... I've failed you once again... I'm trying to pick things up again, but I know it's too late...
To my Phoenix, I know I owe you so much for coming into my life and bringing such joy and elation my soul has not felt in a while... I know you love me with all your heart, and you keep me warm as you embrace me with your blazing wings and passionate heart... Yet I put you through this personal ordeal of mine, which I know you do not deserve... I love you with all my heart, but I chose to sink into my own sorrows rather than see what I had right before me... I am an idiot, I know... I am sorry, Phoenix... I am so sorry... You deserve so much better, yet have remained by my side... Know that despite my sheer stupidity, you're first and foremost in my heart...
To my friends, I know I have let you down on numerous occasions... I know I have been difficult to deal with, and I've tried to put on a happy face... Yet I know most of you can see that all I wear is a mask... To those I have disappointed, I am so sorry... I know you're all there for me... God damn me for my ignorance and idiocity...
I have shrugged off so many responsibilities, I have chosen to be blind to what I have and could have... I am a fool... Angie, I am not the Dragon you said I was... I could never be the Dragon you believed in... I failed you as I have failed them...
As the angels had fallen, so have I... I don't expect forgiveness, for I know I've asked for too much already from this life... All I have done with these opportunities and expectations placed in my hands is to squander it and ignore it... I have lived a life full of woe and regrets, but it was by my own hand, by my own weakness, that I had allowed such things to take a hold of me... I am weak, I am no Dragon... I am a man with delusions of grandeur, and am unworthy to call myself a Dragon anymore... Angie, you were the only Dragon, and you'll always be the only Dragon... I am sorry... I am sorry to all of you who have known me, to have cared for me... To my Phoenix, I thank and love you for loving me despite all of this... To my friends, I am grateful for all of you still being there... To my family, I owe my very soul I owe you for bearing with me... I love you all, and am eternally in your gratitude...