Sylverphyre's Lair

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2009-11-19T04:42:00.001+08:00

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What have I done...

2006-10-04T07:45:00.000+08:00

I'd never have thought it'd come to this... I hate myself, I hate my life... I hate what I've become... I'm sorry... I don't know how else to describe what I feel... Self-hatred, agony, contempt, spite, pain, sorrow, solitude... There's just too much negativity in the cocktail spinning in my head... I don't know what to do...

Dragon Damned, Dragon Damned Indeed...

2006-07-17T13:23:00.000+08:00

There comes a time when one feels so lost, so alone... In a world with billions of individuals, one feels isolated, enstranged from the rest of humanity... That time for me is now... I am in sorrow, I am in solitude... I've no one to turn to, no one to relate to, no one to hold on to, no one indeed... The Dragon's tears fall without being seen, moans in agony for without being heard... He feels, but feels alone... And therein lies the true pain... Compared to this, the hell before seemed like heaven... Damn me, damn me indeed...

Let The Dragon Rise Again...

2006-07-02T21:23:00.000+08:00

Yes, The Dragon has returned once more... I am sorry for such a long absence... Half a year is a long time indeed... What can I say... Sometimes life doesn't permit the luxury of writing one's thoughts... Much has happened in these six months, but these tales shall be told in due time... For now, all I can say is, it's good to be back... It's been far too long since I've written anything, one of the things I've come to regret not doing for six long months... For all that's said and done, writing is the one thing that helps me calm myself, and the one thing that brings me solace and succor in this world...
Anyway, my words for this entry shall be brief, I've got a prior engagement to attend to... For those who have followed by words and musings, I am sorry, and know that I am back with a vengeance to burn down traditions and taboo... For those who are viewing my page for the first time, welcome, and feel free to browse through my archives... There's some stuff in there that are worth a read, in my opinion at least...
To all of you, I am The Dragon, I am Sylverphyre, last of the Windsong Dragons, and I have finally found myself once again...

New Year & Old Times...

2006-01-03T01:45:00.000+08:00

Yes, I know I'm a lil' late updating my blog for the New Year, but well, I was rather busy celebrating and didn't actually have the time to think... Now that the dawning of a new year has settled in somewhat, I've had time to contemplate the many tales and trials that I had experienced last year... So many joys and regrets...
Firstly, the one major regret I have was for (literally) failing my parents in regards to my studies, as well as a son... I've done some things I'm rather ashamed of, and for lack of a better word, I've been a bad son... I don't know what it is with me... I really want to make them happy, yet I always get so self-absorbed with my own personal life with all its ups and downs... I've so got to stop letting my life rule me... It's my life after all... Sigh... I love them, my family... I just can't seem to show it or express it... Maybe it's my cold and calculative draconic nature, with its hidden fiery passion that tends to rule it... Or is it the fact that I am less than what I think I am? I wouldn't be surprised with that, as I have the emotional, mental and physical scars to show for my prideful arrogance... In the end though, all those are mere excuses which make it easier to face the plain cold facts... The root of my problem is simply me... It is within my power, within anyone's power, to achieve anything and everything that they desire...
The closing of 2005 did bring a rather pleasant surprise, in the form of another Dragon, yet also a Phoenix at the same time... I don't know what she is, be it a Phoenix held within a draconic shell, a Dragon within the flames of a Phoenix, or something completely new and unique to my eyes... The more and more we've spent time together, the more I find myself leaning to the last idea... She is special, to me and to those around her... Something about her, I just don't know... But I intend to spend my lifetime getting to know who she is, and even though I may never find out, at least I have the knowledge of what she is to me... That's what's important in the end, and I thank god I know at least that... If you're reading this, dear, know you're more to me than you think... I'm sorry if I'm not that good at showing it at times, but believe me when I say that I do... You could blame the Dragon in me, that is me, but don't doubt me...
In a way, I've been blessed with the companionship of friends old as well as new, and if I've ever hurt you all in any way, I am deeply sorry and know that I never took any of you for granted... A special mention goes out to the Phoenixs in my life... I never intended to hurt you, never took what we had for granted, and I did love you... I'm sorry for whatever it is that has happened, but I have no regrets... Every memory, both sweet and painful, I cherish deeply...
The New Year honestly doesn't seem like a new year to me, but I do sense a chance for a new beginning... Adopting a trait from the legendary Phoenix, it's a chance for a rebirth of sorts... And I intend to take it... I'll strive to reach my full potential in all things... I'll do all that I can to make my family, especially my parents, happy... I'll try my best to stop looking inwards and what was so much and start looking outwards and ahead to what can be...In the end, so long as we do all within our power to do what we do, it doesn't matter if we achieve or fail... Like the blazing Phoenix, will rise above all expectations and find comfort in the fact that we did what we could... Death is not the end, it's a change of state... Knowing this, I choose to die, and with my death I will find the will and tenacity to do what I failed before...
I am Sylverphyre, I am The Dragon, and with the New Year, I sense the wheel of fate and fortune turning... This time around, I'm not holding it back... This time around, I'm encouraging it... This time around, I'll ride with it... This time around, I choose to be both puppet and puppeteer of my own destiny...

Broken Mirror To The Soul

2005-12-29T08:16:00.000+08:00

Soul In Mirrored Eyes

Staring into eyes of mine,
Eyes so empty,
Eyes so dead,
Eyes devoid of any sign,

Break the mirror,
Million shards,
Shattered reflection,
Imperfection,

Staring into soul of mine,
Soul so hollow,
Soul so false,
Soul devoid of any sign,

Broke the mirror,
Million shards,
Unexpected action,
Such satisfaction,

Staring down at eyes of mine,
Eyes so many,
Eyes so true,
Eyes that for once are actually mine,

Broken mirror,
Million shards,
Fragmented reaction,
Yet no deception,

Staring into soul of mine,
Soul so scattered,
Soul so real,
Soul that for once gives me a sign,

Soul in the mirror,
Million shards,
True personification,
Me by definition...

When you look into a mirror, you'd expect to see yourself within it... A reflection of yourself stares right back at you, face to face, eye to eye... Is that the case though? The reflection you see is a perfect visual representation of you, but by no means is it a true reflection of who you are... Not by a long shot... Well, maybe so, if you're a really honest person that's so shallow and uncomplicated that one can take what they see of you as who you are, but what are the odds of that, right? Personally, I don't see myself when I look into a mirror... I see what the rest of the world sees of me, those that don't know me... It's a pale comparison to who, to what I really am... No, the time when I see myself in a reflection is when I take that damned mirror and throw it on the floor... Those fragments, the shattered image, that's who I really am... In a way, that's who we all are... I'd rather look through the fallen and broken mirror than to look into one undamaged, for none of us can be said to be perfect...
So why look at yourself through the broken mirror, you ask? Why should we see the many different reflections that look back at us from all those shattered pieces, those different angles? It's because we are as that broken reflection, each part a representation of us, and through each one we see things in a new view, a different way... The many selves that we see through those reflective shards gives us insight into our multi-faceted selves, and only then can we see the greater whole...
We may see a complete representation of us within an unbroken mirror, but it's just a mere illusion to the deeper complexities of our own conscience... It's a shortcut, an escape of sorts, rather than having to deal with the broken jigsaw of our own selves... It might also come as a surprise that in some cases, the unassembled jigsaw that is us makes more sense apart than put together... A shard of our past, a fragment of our dreams, a jagged representation of our fears, a disjointed view of our many possible futures, that's what we can see through the broken mirror...
I stood before a mirror once, but the lie that was my own false reflection was too much to bear, and now I stand before an empty frame,looking downwards to see a multitude of my very own eyes looking back at me... Through them, I finally am beginning to find myself and the answers I need in life... If you stood before a mirror, what would you choose?

Perhaps Love, Definitely Foolish...

2005-12-24T01:37:00.000+08:00

Well, it's been a while since my last update... And much has transpired in the time since then... Too much in too little a time frame for me to cope with, yet that time seems much longer in which for me to bear that which has occured... Alas, that's the way things are... The best of times are mere fleeting moments in ones life, yet the darkest of despair and sorrow can last for what seems like an eternity...
As one can guess from the title of the entry, the root of both my joys and woes stem from that one element which, no matter how much we say otherwise, plays a huge part in our lives... I've a lot to say on the topic, and have advised countless others in their love lives, yet ironically, I seem to fail to heed my own advice... Haha... Well, once again, that's the way things work in this screwy little world of ours... The next paragraph onwards will be something I wrote a long time ago, with changes here and there to grammar and sentences, and some new sections added at later dates from its original posting... So if it sounds a little familiar, bear with me...

Everyone knows what love is, and have had and given it some time during their lives. Yet love in its truest state is harder to come by. We see couples everywhere, yet how many of them actually understand what it is they feel? I hate to admit this, but the world's gone to hell, and love's followed it every step of the way. Of course, there are many exceptions to the rule, but when viewed from a more remote view, it's a sad and painful world we live in, with only our solitude and confusion for company. No one can deny it. We all want to be loved. We may be hurt over and over again in our search for that near mythical feeling, yet we still keep at it, striving for as long as it takes. Many claim to have given up, their hearts broken over and over again, but given some time they'd be back on the search once again. However, there are also those in this world that take such a sacred emotion for granted, twisting and abusing it to satisfy their own whimsical needs. Some blame spurned love for such acts, yet it's a poor excuse. However, at least it is an excuse, which is far better than those who have marred that emotion with purpose and intent behind their eyes.
Love is a strong word, with many levels and emotions that tag along with it. So exactly what is it that I am trying to explain to you here? I speak of love as though I know it all, but to be fair, I'm probably as blind as everyone else is. This is just my humble opinion on the matter. When I say love, it is the act of loving another for nothing but that feeling itself, with no thoughts of rewards or repercussions, knowing all to well that you're risking your heart and soul by putting in the hands of another. I refer to that emotion of bliss of not wanting anything, but giving everything. Yes, sounds stupid I'm sure, especially in this day and age, but it's a nice way to look at it.
How can such a thing exist in modern times? What brings about this intensity of emotion? Well, there's the theory of similarity, where two people with similar interests meet each other and sparks fly. Then there's of course the ones which bloom from friendship, where both parties want to take it a step further. There is also the rather childish love one might have for an acquaintance, where someone claims to love someone they see often. This to me is rather dubious, for all they love is what they see, not what lies within the shell that they are attracted to. 'Love at first sight' might also be put in that category. They might find a mutual attraction with each other visually, but what happens when they find out they can't get along at all? True, there are cases where this type of love flourishes into something beautiful, but it is a rare thing indeed for that to happen these days. Even I have to admit falling in love after just a night out with this one girl, so while I speak negatively of it, it does happen. Then there are those that believe in finding their soulmate, having faith that there's someone out there for them, and just for them. I have mixed feelings about this. True, there might be a special person out there for each and every one of us. However, It's a rather depressing thought, for what happens if we never find that person? Of course, there are many other views on what love is and its meaning, but stating them all would be an excersize in futility.
In our search for love, we leave behind a trail of heartbreak and sorrow. Many friendships have been ruined because of it, and even our families have been scarred by our quest. Love is a dangerous thing. Real love today is scarce, and it is a sad thought that it isn't as revered as before. Unfortunately no one really seems to care that its value is lost to most. In ages past, whole nations and empires would move forth, rise and fall for the love of two people, yet whilst it may sound stupid now, it does show the strength that emotion once had. Nowadays, you'd be surprised to see any kind of reaction at all. We live in a world of dredgery and monotonous routine, and such wild elements no longer seem to have a place in our mechanical existence, unless it comes from an artificial source. That's the best way to put it, I guess. We're all so wrapped up with ourselves that we all just exist, experiencing the world through artificial means, losing touch with what makes us human. Here I go again rambling on, but bear with me.
In our search for true love, we must be prepared for the worst. The one certainty of love is the pain that comes with it. Do not be surprised if you find someone to love, and find out that it wasn't meant to be. Just make sure you let go of what happened and be ready to move on. Do not linger over a failed relationship, for that path will undeniably lead to sorrow. If you must, hang on for a while, but things will start to deteriorate, and you'll have to get on with your life and let go. To keep a hold of something unobtainable will not only hurt you , but everyone around you.
Love will always be there, to either haunt us or bring us joy. Whatever it may do to us, remember that life isn't all about finding that special someone. There is much more to our existence than that. If you are in a relationship that works, never take it for granted, and be grateful that you have found it. Cherish it for all time. Love someone for who they are, not what you want them to be. If you do change them, then the only thing you love is the image you've built around them, not the true person who resides within. Know what it is you want, what it is you love.
As for the rest of us, we shall continue to strive for love as we live on one day at a time, making sure it doesn't interfere with the rest of our lives. At the end, as long as you have loved, that is good enough. For to live is to love, and to have died without ever loving is to have never truly lived at all...

Heh, after re-reading my own words from the past, it's easy to see the youthful idealism in my thoughts those days... Such blind faith, foolish hopes... Not to say that the chords my words struck weren't true, but at that point in time, I had no idea how harsh the reality of the situation really was... Those days, I'd jump off the edge of a cliff without pause, believing that someone, something, would be there to catch me... Well, since then, I've jumped one too many times, and all I've to show for it are scars... I don't blame the world, I don't blame the people, I blame myself... Oh what I would give to have such blind faith, such foolish hopes once more... How I wish I could bear my heart and soul to the world, knowing that in the end, all would turn out well... That's where the fault lies I guess, we're all so scared to get hurt that we avoid everything and end up hurting anyway... Dear lord, I am so rambling completely off the wall here... I'm ending this post here, before I go on and on about the banality of existence...

A Slave Chained To The Truth Of Lies...

2005-11-14T23:37:00.000+08:00

I have lied... I'm sure you have too... Hell, I'm sure we've all lied at one point or another in our lives... But what I want to address here isn't a simple little lie... No, the thing here that needs to be addressed is lying to yourself, lying to others to make that same lie seems true, and lying to keep that lie alive... This would go on and on to the point where that lie has so much backing to it that it takes on a life of its own, and with that life it becomes the truth... Yeah, that's a shitload of lying involved, but you get the idea... At least I hope you get the idea... This happens a lot more than you could imagine, for it is within our very nature to be able to lie... In a twisted sort of way, it's one of the perks, or setbacks, of conscience...
What do I mean when I say it's a part of our conscience? Well, think about it... A lie is a crime of conscience, and a crime of conscience is a crime made by consciousness... Let me elaborate further... When you lie, only due to your capability to think beyond the box, beyond the supposed the lie, can you find reasoning as to make the lie seem plausible... You'd be able to make parallels between what is and what isn't... So, consciousness makes lies possible, as well as our imagination, because you can think of what isn't and pretend to interact with it as if it did exist... Well, there's the thesis on lying being a capability of conscience anyway...
When one lies, it is usually under the imperative of survival or protection, more often than not one of self interest... It's an instinct we have, avoiding danger... It can't be helped... But why would one lie to a degree that it becomes a false reality? For one, to avoid getting caught for the lie in the first place, which is also driven by the same need to avoid danger... We do it out of fear, instinct, whatever you want to call it, but it does happen... When these lies pile up one after another, over and over again, sooner or later you'd be forced to lie to yourself, to fabricate something as to make all those lies all the more plausible, in hopes of burying it once and for all... This is where that lie starts to draw its first breath... This is where it starts to take a life of its own, a master of your will, so to speak... This now living entity wants to survive just as much as you do, and it'd continue to lie through you to make itself all the more alive... It's kind of scary when you put it in that perspective huh? That we can create a monster within ourselves that can take over our actions... Well, the human conscience is truly a formidable and incredible tool, so don't be too surprised...
So what are we to do if we are chained to the monsters that we ourselves have created? Well, to be honest, not much... Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that there isn't hope or anything... But when your mind is ruled by a living lie, how can you see the truth? The lie will make you believe that there is no lie in the first place... Yes, it's starting to become an endless cycle that seems to just get a lot uglier... But the truth is an ugly thing at times... All we can do really is to hope that our enslaved conscience can break those chains and destroy what it had created... What we create, we can destroy...

I myself am a victim of this... Yes, I have lied to myself... I have lived in such lies, and to be honest, I'm still enslaved to quite a few of them... Thing is, when your will is made to believe in such lies, its hard to tell whether it's a lie or not anymore... That's the problem... You can't break free of something you're not even sure exists... I find myself in turmoil at times, where parts of my past clash with the what I am now, so I know that there are fabrications within my history... All I can hope is that who I am now will overpower the lies someday... Thing is, they have the advantage of age, and with age comes power...

Fly Free...

2005-11-10T16:50:00.000+08:00

In this modern day and age, we are blessed with something that we all take for granted... Our freedom... We have the opportunity to do as we will, as we wish... Ironically, despite all we've done and sacrificed to obtain such freedom, the vast majority of us are still no better than the caged beasts in a zoo... What does it mean exactly when I say free? There's a question that can spark an eternity of arguments and debates... But fundamentally, freedom is to be able to do what you want, and not to conform to anyones or anythings expectations or standards... Even your stereotypical rebel isn't really free, when you really think about it... The typical modern rebel vying for 'freedom' does so by conforming to the standards that others have labelled as being rebellious... Thus, theoretically, he no longer is a rebel, but just changing his stance and point of views from one to another... Yes, I know this is a really annoying and redundant topic that's probably going to go round and round in circles, but it's been on my mind for the past few days, and it's made me think a lot more than I usually do...

Many things conflict with one another, in regards to freedom, being free, and the social and personal context we find ourselves in... If one chooses freely to conform to the social norms, does that make him free? Or does that indicate a conscious choice to lose one's freedom? I myself think that I have a soul of a Dragon, so in essence, I have joined the ranks of others who think of themselves as Dragons... One can argue that I chose freely, and no one made me or expected me to make my decision but myself, so I still retain my freedom... However, one could also say that I had an expectation upon myself to be a Dragon... So does that merit any changes to my stance on being free? Sigh, I've been giving myself one hell of a headache with all these thoughts, but still, it's better than living life aimlessly... So let's carry on...
So, how do we tell if we are free? How can we achieve such freedom as to be unchained to any definition? Well, to start, one must realise that they aren't as free as they thought... One needs to rise above it all... This is by no means an easy task... Everyone would like to think that they are free to make their own choices and decisions... Everyone believes that they have set out upon a path that they themselves chose... Now here's the glaring point in my prior statement... They chose to set upon a path that they themselves chose... That shows that the path existed, someone had created it before them... And now they're just following it... And even then, how much of your supposed choice was really yours, and how much of it was either influenced or suggested by the environment around you? The only true freedom is in ignorance or enlightenment... One you have is when you're born, the other's when you die... Life in between is where you lose that freedom... Or do you?
If you live your life with no expectations, and without the expectations of others, living life for life's sake... That's a good indication of having a free life... Or as close to it as you can get... You're going to have to burn a few strings that bind you, which might include family and friends, but if they really are your kin of heart and blood, they'd understand... In other words, once you realise that you're not as free as you thought you were, you have taken the first step towards that freedom that mankind always talk about, but hardly ever experienced...
Take flight on wings of fire, never let yourself be grounded... When you're above it all, you'll know what freedom is, and how much of a slave you were before... Then, and only then will you be able to start the journey towards freeing yourself...

Awakened...

2005-11-08T09:09:00.000+08:00

First off, I'd like to say I am sorry for the lack of updates on my blog... It's been a long time, more than a month, since my last update... Well, from my last entry, things were rather bleak for me, or rather from my eyes... Well, suffice to say things have taken a turn for the better, or worse, depending on exactly who's eyes we're looking through...
One important event during my sabbatical from life was the discovery of another Dragon, and possibly the existence of others... For those who don't really know me, when I say 'Dragon', I don't literally mean your typical big giant fire-breathing lizard with wings... It's more along the lines of character and personality... Though at times I do wish I could fly around and blast some of the more foolish and ignorant people of this world clear off the face of this earth... Anyway, I'm starting to drift from my point... It's good to know that I have found others like myself I can relate to... While they are not Windsong Dragons such as myself, they are Dragons nonetheless... My dear Phoenix, don't feel threatened... You are still my Phoenix... While you are of fire and feather, and myself sorcery and scale, that difference between us is the one that binds us...
As for the events that had very nearly slain me this past few weeks, I have to admit that I was indeed defeated in battle... Ironically, the battle was within myself, and it was my own claws that had torn my wings and my own teeth that sank into my flesh... When I fell from the sky and crashed to the earth, it took me a long while to recover... Then again, the only wounds that you learn from are those that cause the most pain and hardships, so all in all, I guess that turned out for the best... Further down the road, I might just put in an entry regarding the events that had transpired, but for now, I shall remain silent...
So where do I go from here? Honestly speaking, I don't know what I'm currently doing... Yeah, for all my supposed wisdom and knowledge, I am lost when it comes to myself... I find the irony in the situation oddly amusing... No one seems to be able or knows how to help me or even comfort me, as it is I that usually plays those very roles... When the Dragon becomes a man, it isn't easy for his fellow man to become a Dragon in his stead... Heh, go figure...
So, yes, people... Sylverphyre, last of the Windsong Dragons, is back... Things may have changed in my life, but I have many people out there to thank... You know who you are, people... If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't even have this life... Know that a Dragon's always ready to stand by your side when all seems lost... Quoting myself from one of my own poems, "when all is lost, then all is found..." That was what I had experienced, and should you seem to find yourself lost or losing everything, I'll be there...

Dragon Devoid, Dragon Dead...

2005-09-18T08:46:00.000+08:00

I have a confession to make... During my absence since my last entry, my life has been falling apart... The thing is, it's me who's allowing it to happen... I'd go so far as to even say I am encouraging it... For sure I know I am not doing anything to hinder the descent... It's a long story, one I hate to share, but share it I must... Not for any gain on my part, but for those whore are close and dear to me... To my family, my friends, my loved ones, I am so sorry... To Angie, I know you're still keeping an eye on me from heaven, and I know I've betrayed your memory... You were the one true Dragon, not I... I am sorry, Seraph Draconis...
I don't know where to start, but I guess it's best to start with my course of life, my studies and the like... I've let my emotions get the better of me once again, I fear... For those of you who knew me back then, when I was still in Australia studying, and when my personal life was troubled with my breakup with my fiancee, I fell apart, and lost my opportunity to study abroad... It was by no means her fault that such a thing happened, for it was mine to allow myself to wallow in my depression and sorrow... Wasn't a good time for it either, with my semester just starting and everything... This time around, it's happened once again with my recent ex... Breaking up a week before college, I first thought I could hold it together... But as the weeks went by, I found myself sinking more and more into self-pity and neglected all that was offered to me... I am placing to blame on nobody but myself... To those involved in this, I am sorry... To my parents, I do not seek your forgiveness, for I know I've asked for it far too many times... I've failed you once again... I'm trying to pick things up again, but I know it's too late...
To my Phoenix, I know I owe you so much for coming into my life and bringing such joy and elation my soul has not felt in a while... I know you love me with all your heart, and you keep me warm as you embrace me with your blazing wings and passionate heart... Yet I put you through this personal ordeal of mine, which I know you do not deserve... I love you with all my heart, but I chose to sink into my own sorrows rather than see what I had right before me... I am an idiot, I know... I am sorry, Phoenix... I am so sorry... You deserve so much better, yet have remained by my side... Know that despite my sheer stupidity, you're first and foremost in my heart...
To my friends, I know I have let you down on numerous occasions... I know I have been difficult to deal with, and I've tried to put on a happy face... Yet I know most of you can see that all I wear is a mask... To those I have disappointed, I am so sorry... I know you're all there for me... God damn me for my ignorance and idiocity...
I have shrugged off so many responsibilities, I have chosen to be blind to what I have and could have... I am a fool... Angie, I am not the Dragon you said I was... I could never be the Dragon you believed in... I failed you as I have failed them...
As the angels had fallen, so have I... I don't expect forgiveness, for I know I've asked for too much already from this life... All I have done with these opportunities and expectations placed in my hands is to squander it and ignore it... I have lived a life full of woe and regrets, but it was by my own hand, by my own weakness, that I had allowed such things to take a hold of me... I am weak, I am no Dragon... I am a man with delusions of grandeur, and am unworthy to call myself a Dragon anymore... Angie, you were the only Dragon, and you'll always be the only Dragon... I am sorry... I am sorry to all of you who have known me, to have cared for me... To my Phoenix, I thank and love you for loving me despite all of this... To my friends, I am grateful for all of you still being there... To my family, I owe my very soul I owe you for bearing with me... I love you all, and am eternally in your gratitude...

Live and Love...

2005-09-02T03:09:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since I've posted an entry, and for that I am sorry... I've been a little busy with my personal life... Things have definitely changed for the better, and thus I find myself immersed in each and every day now together with my Phoenix... Her small frail form elegant and graceful, yet within it lies the Phoenix's heart, full of life, passion, wild and untamed... She's my everything and my all... Yes, I am absolutely in love with her... My Phoenix, my love... I've been spending nearly every waking moment with her, together in one another's arms... It's honestly more than I could ever hope for... I dare say that I think this time I have found the one... I think I've really found my true Phoenix this time...
We spent Merdeka, Malaysia's Independance day, together, which was beautiful... Watched the fireworks from a hill near my house... The fires that lit up the sky were a pale comparison to the fires I knew burned within her, within me, between us... How such a sweet flower could contain the spirit of The Phoenix I have no idea... Yet somehow, it seems right... And I'm glad that flower of fire fell into my heart... To my Phoenix, Soraya, I dedicate this poem to you...

Whispered Love

I whispered a prayer...
I prayed for a hope...

In my solitude I knew not why it was,
That my heart had only felt pain and fear,
Such horrid memories from hated past,
Recollections of events that I could not cope...

I hoped I could wish...
I wished for a dream...

Yet now I have broken the chain of events,
Jumped straight to dessert from poisoned dish,
I think I have found her to take me away,
The brighter side of life for me to redeem...

I dreamed of love true...
A love I've not known...

I now know of such pleasant feelings,
Lighter than ones I've had to live through,
Together now with my dear Phoenix,
I fly the heavens no longer alone...

Yes, I am flying in the heavens, so to speak... Love does that to you, no matter who or what you are... While the world may be at the brink of war, and global crises are threatening the lives of all, it's the little things such as love, hope, and dreams that keep the spirit and soul of mankind alive... Love isn't a tangible thing that you can hold on to or calculate... It's beyond all human comprehension... I love Soraya, my Phoenix, yet even I don't know what this power within me really is... All I know is that I'd give my all for her, and that's what's important... To quote Kahlil Gibran, "love is the only freedom in the world because it so elevates the spirit that the laws of humanity and the phenomena of nature do not alter its course".

Regrets Regarding The Countess...

2005-08-24T16:38:00.003+08:00

What a life, what a tale... Life is one big joke, and the absurdity of it all can provide one with endless amusement if one could distance him or herself away enough to look at things from a dragon's point of view... In my current standing, I find the actions of the Countess really amusing, if not downright annoyingly stupid and idiotic... As mentioned before, I've recently discovered her true identity as that of The Succubus... Even the gentle Windsong Dragons could have been a true force to be reckoned with when pushed over the edge, and if anyone can push me over, it's her... I don't like taking on the persona of the vindictive Stormhowl Dragon, but at the rate things are going, I just might have to... As always, I'll try not let my personal feelings get involved, and try to comprehend and contemplate over this matter... Who knows, she might just be smart enough to do something about the situation before I do... Anyway, here's the scoop on the current situation...
It is one thing to misunderstand a statement that another makes, but by making a false fabrication of the truth, you take things too far... On Monday, I discovered that The Countess/Succubus had been telling the other girls in my class that I'm not as rich as I 'claimed' to be... She said her reasoning was because I had asked The Princess for money to help pay my carpark tickets... That's her truth, in her eyes... Point of the matter is, firstly, I have always clearly pointed out that I am not well off, I don't brag about something I do not have... If I'm gonna brag about something, I'm smart enough to at least have the backing to prove it... Besides, my family is probably above average in standing, but I clearly define that there's a difference between family and personal wealth... I don't know about all of you, but that to me is an important distinction... I am a nobody of no real standing whatsoever, at least to the eyes of the general public... To some certain individuals I am someone, to others I'm hated or despised... But that's their personal opinion... Second point now that has to be pointed out, I have never asked The Princess for money even once... In fact, it was she that suggested I take some from her to help me get along with life, cause of my current situation, which I'll address in the third point... I do not like owing people money, or owing anything at all for that matter... Had one too many bad experiences with that... Hell, I even had to pay back money I supposedly owed someone (according to them) just to get my most treasured possession back... So no, I never did ask for the money, and when it was offered, I declined... I got myself into my predicament, and I live with my choice... Which brings us to my third point... I have been suffering on a weekly basis, using my little allowance to pay the parking tickets at college, which drains me nearly completely dry of resources to do anything else... I don't eat out, even at college, if possible... All of this I go through now because of one decision I made before, that while I don't regret making, I do wonder if I should have... The Countess was in trouble with her mom supposedly over her phone bills, and me being the stupid knight in shining armour (more like dragon in silver scales), I used my allowance, some debts people owed me, as well as the money to get the parking passcard to help her out...

I just find it extremely unnerving how some people can live with themselves doing such things... My personal experiences seem bad enough, with being accused for caring too much, being used, and being blackmailed of the dearest things in my life, but for a fact the world we live in is truly hell on earth in most cases... My tales of woe are pale in comparison to the reality that we live in every day... I have seen and heard of so many things and events around the globe that shock me into disbelief, from the 9/11 incident to date-rape drugs... The depths of depravity the human race can achieve is truly a cause for concern... I hold on to my view that mankind is inherently flawed... We just don't get it... Mankind has never understood what our place was on this earth, and we still don't... Demons, devils and monsters walk amongst mankind, but not as we think of them... They could be anyone, everyone... We are the very monsters of myth that we fear... However, where there are monsters and demons, there are dragons and angels as well to champion the side of good... Hopefully we'll see more of them... It's about time they showed themselves, for it is come to a point where they are desperately needed...

Amidst Disguise

Angels in our midst,
Devils in disguise,
Hidden deep inside is there
The truth that always lies,

Never does one see,
The truth that it implies,
Take off all our masks
To see our hidden selves arise...

My problems are my problems... I know to me they seem to be a great deal, for they are mine... But never let our problems cause us to forget the bigger picture of things, the way the world is... The world, humanity needs heroes more than ever now to stop the fall of mankind... The angels and demons warred for us at the dawn of time, now it's the time we did the same... It's our lives at stake, so I say the least we can do is fight for our right to survive, rather than to destroy...

The Tale of The Fallen Windsong...

2005-08-20T03:49:00.000+08:00

Dedicated to those of you who carry the spirit of the Windsong Dragon within you... In loving memory of the only Windsong I found in my life... Angie, you'll always be a part of my life, a part of me... The time will come again when we shall see one another again... I love you with all my heart, and I will never forget you, nor let you be forgotten... I know you're watching me every day from heaven... Thank you for being here with me in spirit always...

Fallen Windsong

As seasons pass and time moves on events move to the past,
With human ways their world evolves and memories fade away,
While empires rise only to fall to them nothing seems to last,
To Dragonkind their history is but a passing of just one day...

No human lives in modern day that remembers the Windsong tribe,
For me the last of my fallen tribe that time's still fresh in mind,
My Windsong brethren were the muses and voices for the scribe,
Our only crime was that of loving till we became too blind...

We taught them ways in which to see the beauty of world,
We gave them ways to show to others the beauty that they saw,
From our wisdom the potential of humankind unfurled,
Our tutelage of every knowledge and every lore...

We gave the bards of ancient times the voices in which to sing,
We gave them tunes and lyrics in which to express their heart,
We gave them instruments in from percussions and of string,
Never did we see them use the gifts as a warcry at the start...

We gave the writers words in which to write the feelings held inside,
We gave them rhymes and poetry to inspire the wounded soul,
We gave them ways to divulge their pains they just could not confide,
Never did we see that their words would condemn us of our role...

We gave the artists a way in which to show their views own beauty,
We gave them chisels to chip at the earth and carve out solid stone,
We gave them paints to colour the world as it was our very duty,
Never did we see that our gifts would cut us to the bone...

The Windsong Dragons fell from grace for no matter what taught,
Humankind could not achieve the things the way we could,
Their envy turned to hatred and as victims we were caught,
All we wanted was to share our gifts as we knew that we should...

One by one they found our lairs and killed my fellow kind,
Worse was that our gifts we gave was corrupted from its path,
Our gifts have lost their power and we see the world unwind,
Man has forsaken the very world and released uncalled wrath...

My fellow Windsong are gone and I'm the last of my fallen kin,
My voice is swallowed by the noise of death and devastation,
All I can try to do is to turn the tides a whisper in bellowing din,
But the truth of it is in mankinds heart lies its own salvation...

Contemplation & Insight...

2005-08-19T13:23:00.000+08:00

I've been torn between polar opposites this entire week... A lot to think about... On a good note, I've found my Phoenix, and she's everything I've been dreaming for, if not more... Yes, I won't deny the fact that I am quite apprehensive about this relationship... While it seems better than any I've had before, a part of me fears the pain I'd experience if I get burnt by the flames of The Phoenix once again... All The Dragon can do is to have faith in the love that he's found... Yeah, I love her... I'm sayin' it openly... I know I do, and I'm unashamed of it... I just hope that I can measure up and give her what she gives me...

Then there are the other things I've been thinking of... There are a few of you out there who think I've rushed into things... My Lost Lady, my dearest and sweetest girl, so full of youth and vigor... Unfortunately her energy was being channelled into the darker things in life like drugs and shit... My dearest Lady, I know you think I left you, but the truth is I never ever did... You left me, my sweetest dear... Yes, I have to admit I did have feelings for her at one point, but her current path was one I could not walk with her... I walked down that road a long time ago, and I barely survived myself... All I can say is, my sweet Lost Lady, is just look above you... You'll find that while my heart belongs to another, I still hover over you, always there to guard and guide you... You have a place in my heart, even though you might not be the one I gave it to... I hope that one day The Lost Lady would see that I was always there for her... Her words of my leaving her to her fate, to the harshness of reality, stung deep... But I never left her there...

Then there is The Princess, regal yet humble, full of laughter and joy... One who had a special place in my heart as well... Being a little stereotypical of dragons, I couldn't help but feel drawn to her since I knew her... However, she had her Prince... Dragons have a tendency to get slain by them heroic Prince types, so I kept my distance... Yet we were friends, and it's safe to say we enjoyed one another's company... To you, my Princess, first rule in the book, never get involved with one who already has another... Especially when you're a Dragon and the other's a Prince... Haha... So yes, I kept my distance... Always had that little fire, that little interest, but I never gave it a chance to really grow, for the reasons mentioned... I know I've caused you trouble with your fairytale life, and I am sorry for that... Never meant to, Princess... The Princess, she's one to watch out for... So full of life, so full of potential... She definitely has the spirit of a Dragon within her as well...

The Countess, someone I was a little involved with a while ago, and more recently as well after the last Phoenix, has finally revealed her true self... A Succubus, tempting one to give ones very life so she may drain it... Yeah, I was a victim myself... I don't blame her in a way... I did hurt her in the past... However, whereas in my situation things didn't work out due to bad timing, hers was a blatant and direct attack upon The Dragon... So sweet, yet so subversive... I give you this girl, you know how to hide your darker ways... I don't blame you, but just to let you know, the people around you aren't blind, and they see things for what they are... Act as though you're still the Innocent Countess as much as you want... Once revealed as a Succubus, you're branded with fire... I'm still there for you if you need me, but never again will you have my trust...

My Phoenix, some of the things here are things you might have known, others you might have not... I hope none of these words hurt you... I love you with my all, as only a dragon could... I shall always be your Dragon, and hopefully, as my Phoenix, we can fly through the skies forever side by side...
All in all, there are other things on my mind, as always... The mind of The Dragon is never at rest... However, for now, this is all I shall divulge for now...

Dragon Defiant...

2005-08-16T17:13:00.000+08:00

The Dragon can't bear the absurdity of the world nowadays... I won't get into details, but let's just say that the world is full of immature over-evolved monkeys... Yes, that's 'human' in the typical term... No, not all mankind is as de-evolved as these few, but nonetheless they exist... I've edited some of my previous entries... The thoughts I have in my head are mine and mine alone, and the words I write are who I am... Never would I consider changing my own words, for it would be holding back who I am as well... However, when there stands a friend who can get hurt because of my words, I'll hold my tongue... To those of you who have something against the way I see the world, stop bitching about what I say, for it is my point of view... You don't like me, fine... I am not one to judge anyone for their actions... From loving mother to serial murderer, everyone has reasons for their actions... Who are we to judge the actions of another? Everyone has their own points of view, and it is a view that should be respected... If you do disagree about something, let the person know directly... Stop going through third parties... Leave the innocents out of it...
I am The Dragon, and I love those whom I consider as friends... Damn those of you who seek to find fault in friendships... I see anyone and everyone as equals... This is The Dragon, and I am who I am... If you wish to slay The Dragon, slay me, not those around me... If I have caused pain and anger for some apparent reason, take it out on me... I've been slain numerous times, but I still live... For a supposedly 'superior' race, there are some amongst the race of man that drags the rest down... Honestly, from insecurities to jealousy, from hatred to backstabbing, these few individuals can make the collective whole look less than human, worse than animals...
I am no better than any of you... I have my faults, I know... I do not deny them, I do not fight them... As I said once before, we all have a spark of a dragon within us... However, I've come to see that with these select few, the glimmer I saw was not that of a dragon, but that of something less than human...
To those few of you, you unfortunate ignorant monkeys, know that you can do what you want, what you will... The Dragon will stand Defiant to the end...

Dragon's Dream, Phoenix Found!

2005-08-15T21:47:00.000+08:00

I have found my Phoenix! I've found my other... The fire to my ice, the passion to my contemplation, the dance to my music... My Phoenix love, my Phoenix true... No longer shall The Dragon fly the infinite skies alone... No longer shall he slumber in solitude... My Phoenix, I thank you for having found me... Yes, I know I've had problems with my many personalities... But truth is, Sylverphyre, The Dragon, the truest personality I have that even comes close to being the real me, that's the one that fell for her... Yeah, Sylverphyre kicked Slave Hope and all the other personalities aside... The Dragon is here to stay, and he has his Phoenix by his side... Yes people, The Dragon's in love...
I can't believe it... It's been a surreal day... Seeing her, holding her, kissing her... It's been a long time since I've felt this way... It's good to know what it is to feel intimacy and passion once again... She does embody all the Phoenix represents... This time, I may have found the one... To all you naysayers out there, well, shove it... Haha! She's something real special... Most importantly, she made me smile and laugh where most others failed... She made me feel again... Made me see things again... Thank you, my Phoenix... I know you'll read this sooner or later... Know that The Dragon always has you on his mind...
A poem, dedicated to my Phoenix... It's for you, dearest... It's always been for you... Now and Forever...

Dragon Cool and Phoenix Flame,
Opposites in love entwined,
Passions wild and thoughts so tame,
Tied by soul, body, heart and mind...

Dragon's dreams are now so true,
No longer does he need to hope,
Feelings answered with a woo,
Pain no longer he has to cope...

Phoenix let me be the one for you,
Let me fly right by your side,
Let me help you in all you do,
Let me be yours to confide...

Dragon Dance and Phoenix Flight,
Let's move to our symphony,
From sunny day to starry night,
For now for all eternity...

Hope you like it, my fire, my Phoenix... Never let your fires be extinguished... Let me guide you as you guide me...

Let No Dragon Be Bound...

2005-08-14T22:31:00.000+08:00

Since my last post, I've been thinking about a lot of things, with my situations in the past, with those my friends are in... I've come to see that the one thing that we fail to do is to let go... What's worse, it's as though we bind ourselves in chains to the very things that hurt and destroy us... I was a victim of this myself on numerous occasions, hence the scars that weigh heavily on my heart, body and soul... We choose to bottle ourselves in, our strength, our spirit... We choose to be so blind to our plight, grabbing on to even the faintest glimmer of hope... We just don't see that that glimmer of hope is a prison, a vice that crushes our spirits...
I say we wake up... It's time we wake up to who we are... Why do we choose to shackle ourselves? I can see the spirit of dragons in my friends, but they seem weak, useless... I say it's time we all wake up to our heritage! We are all Dragons! The mightiest, greatest beings in all creation, deserving of anything we want, and all of the best... I say to those of you who are bound in things and situations that hurt you, break free! Why do you let these things happen to you in the first place? You deserve more! To those of you who are curled up inside, unappreciated, open your wings and fly! The world will see you for who and what you and appreciate the presence you bestow! To those who let the chaos of reality destroy them, who are swept by the darker side of life, I say stand strong with heads held high! Dragons bow to no man, no god, no object, nothing! We are all Dragons, deep inside... Look inside, see the Dragon within you all, and let that Draconic spirit take charge... It's time for 'Delasangre', those of the blood, to take their place in the world once again...
To all of you, be you a friend, stranger, or enemy... There are worse things in life than we assume and think... I know, I think the same... We are all centered about ourselves, we fail to see the world around us... It is time to be as Dragons and be a part of the world once more... Only when we rise above the world can we truly be a part of it... I am Sylverphyre, last of the Windsong Dragons... Who are you?

Dragon's New Philosophy...

2005-08-14T13:20:00.000+08:00

Time and time again, in all legends, in all typical stories, it is The Dragon that sits in his lair, deep in slumber till someone comes to see him. In some instances people come to give tribute, for others they come in search of wisdom, and of course there are those damned dragonslayers... My point is, it is usually dragons that play the passive role, and it is the other party that seeks them out... I think I finally realised my foolish mistake in all this, in my life... I was rushing out to seek my Phoenix, flying the open skies of the world in search of that which I needed... What can I say... I was a young and brash dragon at that time... I've come to see that some of the best things in life, you don't look for it... They come to you... I guess I've aged and gained some wisdom and insight into this...
I am The Dragon, and I am going to play the passive role in my life... I have been acting like the very thing I seek, the Phoenix, full of passion, full of passion, full of strength... But it is not who I am... I am The Dragon, the contemplator, the recluse, the silence, the ice... I am the last Windsong, the muse, the inspired, the poet, the artist... I know who I am now, and I shall do what I do best... I shall wait... Let the Phoenix find me for a change... Yeah, it's a little weird having the girl approach the guy, but I've grown tired and weary of such monotonous and traditional ways... Let a Phoenix show me something new... It is what a Phoenix does, burning the old and giving way to the new... Let a Phoenix surprise me, and for a change keep me warm instead of burning me... Only then will I know I've found My Phoenix...

Out Of The Ashes...

2005-08-12T09:22:00.000+08:00

Well, what can I say... I've been living my life, hence the lack of an entry for... Erm... What, a day or two? Well, that's the way life works... I was too busy living life instead of staying at home and contemplating it and putting my thoughts up here on my blog... Living life indeed... Guess life is worth living after all, even after the death of the previous Phoenix... Now don't get me wrong, not saying I was thinking about suicide or anything... Let's just say there's a difference between living life and just existing, and I have to admit I was doing the latter for quite a while now...
On a happy note, today's weather seems good, due to rain earlier this morning... The haze has improved tremendously... Better bite my tongue though, 'cuz knowing my luck, it'd be back again later today... Also, there's no class today!!! My college announced yesterday that it would be closed today due to the extreme haze... How ironic that it got a lot better today... Well, most other schools and offices were closed yesterday as well, which was a good move... It was unbelievably bad, to the point that I started coughing up blood... Then again, it might have just been the ciggies, but I highly doubt it... All I can say is it was good to see the sun, not distinctly, but clear enough... I could almost feel its rays reaching out to me through the haze...

Yesterday I kinda went mad with the camera, snapping pictures whenever I could... Took a lot with friends... However, I noticed that I had more pictures with girls than with anything else... I don't know, it's probably because of the whole thing about 'knights and ladies'... Make no mistake, I am The Dragon, but the way I see it, Dragons and Knights represent the same person at different times... And neither is good nor bad... It's all situational... Well, here they are! The Princess, The Countess, The Lost Lady, they're all here... Of course, who represents what in my life, that's only in my mind... I'll leave it to you to speculate who's who...

Myia, dear sweet Myia, staring off into space, contemplating all there ... Aah, crap... She was just posing for the shot! Came out quite well though... We were playing around with the features on my camera, this one B&W, obviously...

Me and Myia, once again playing with the different features... Sepia usually looks really nice, but somehow made me look like shit... Haha!

Wanie, Alma and Jus respectively from left to right... Really good picture, taken for fun, but came out beautiful... All except The Dragon that came crashing into the pic...

This is one taken the day before yesterday... A pic of Fara and Yvon... Yvon, one of the greatest and truest friends I've known, despite our short time knowing one another...

Well, there were a lot more, but I'll spread them out over the next few updates... Haven't slept the entire night... Need rest... Till my next entry, this is The Sleepy Dragon...

Of Haze and Dragons...

2005-08-09T16:43:00.000+08:00

Well, since it's really gettin' bad, might as well bring it up... The damn haze that's been lingering over KL has taken a drastic turn for the worst today... For god's sake... The first day, you could smell the ash in the air, but things got better after that... Today, it's like, you're STANDING right next to the source of the haze... Fire and brimstone indeed... Look at the picture below, That's the afternoon sky right there, and yeah, the sun's in there, if you can see it... 'Let the Ashes swallow us whole, as we enter the Realm of our own foolishness'... Leave it to humans to destroy the one thing we need and can't get back... Our world... Geez, even as a smoker, I don't need the cigarette... Gettin' enough from the air as it is... Quoting a friend of mine, "it's as though all the smokers in the world acted with a hive mind consciousness and lit up at the same time"... We can't blame anyone but ourselves for this people... I still stand by my statement that mankind is inherently flawed... We're all fools... Even I, despite my Dragon nature, am a fool in the end...

The Dragon staring into the horizon, only to see the haze of a thousand fires of ignorance... Aaagh... As for me, I've still not been able to handle my own psyche... The other selves are going crazy... I can't see the Phoenix clearly anymore, for Sylverphyre saw that, not the others... Slave Hope, a new alter ego, was born today out of the haze and confusion in my life... Here I am trying to control my personalities, and out comes a new one... GREAT... Just what I need... Anyway, Slave Hope seems to have a rather logical, yet slightly depressive view of things... About the Phoenix, about my condition, about college, about everything really... While I'm not happy a new alter ego was born, I am happy to have one that sheds some light on a gloomy situation...
Spent time with The Phoenix, or what I hope is The Phoenix... That was fun, she made me laugh... Also spent time with The Princess which, while non-productive at all, did lighten my day even further despite the haze... I don't know... Maybe I should stop thinking of people from the perspective of my reality, and see them for who they really are... Maybe only then can I see what I need to do... It's just that my reality is a whole lot easier to face... I mean, in my reality, I make the rules... In the real world, I'd suffocate and die, most likely... Not due to the haze, but because of a failure to adapt... I've been apart from it for so long...
Anyway, another poem from the thoughts of a Dragon gone mad... Hope you all like this one... I feel, or at least I hope, that I captured the essence of what The Phoenix is... Not in my eyes, but to the world...

My Phoenix
Burn, my Phoenix, through all sight,
Bring upon a brand new dawn,
Engulf the world in fire's light,
The light of world alive, reborn...

Fly, my Phoenix, through the skies,
Let your fires show the way,
Let flames shed truth to all the lies,
A new beginning, a brand new day...

Rage, my Phoenix, through traditions,
Break free the bonds of oppression,
Let no one set such terms, conditions,
You're the path to our salvation...

Rest, my Phoenix, through the night,
Keep up the strength for us all,
We need your passion, need your might,
The one to stand while others fall...

Die, my Phoenix, through the end,
But do not feel hurt nor pain,
Your memory forever we'll defend,
For in time we know you'll rise again...

HPD Victim I am, Woe Is Me...

2005-08-08T21:06:00.000+08:00

I, The Dragon, am suffering from Hydra Personality Disorder, or HPD for short... Generally speaking, it's MPD, but on a draconic scale... Haha, scale... Err, no pun intended...
Well, to give you all the dirt on my situation, I have gone through many changes in my life, and in return the world has changed around me... Each of these phases gave birth to a different me, so to speak... A me that could cope with the myself and the world around me... They'd be in charge until another change rolled by, in which case another me took over, or if it was something new, a new me would be born... Yeah, I'm insane, I know it... I won't deny it... Unfortunately, all these many selves are still me... They just lay buried within my mind, still there to give me their remarks on comments on what the current me experiences...
Well, as of late, these other selves started to come out... At first, I admit I thought it was a good thing... In a way, I was hoping that they were all coming out and blending, meshing with one another... The complete me, so to speak... However, only now do I realise that all of these selves are emerging and keeping to themselves as individuals... And well, I am of only one mind, one body, one soul... And having a multitude of draconic selves trying to vie for control for the one same thing, well, it's driving me mad... Only reason why I've managed to keep my cool was thanks to Sylverphyre, my newest yet one of the most powerful of my many selves keeping the rest at bay... Unfortunately, he can't always keep his guard up...
For example, today, Gasaraki, the me of my cybercafe days, couldn't stop thinking about games in class, while Assarim took control of my body and wrote and drew like an artistic nutcase, his works inspired by the soul, which was unfortunately torn between Exocrysis and 7alisman, both powerful emotional figures in my psyche... yes, extremely confusing... I'm reading this as I type it, and I find it completely off the wall... Yet scarily, it makes sense to me...
I am The Dragon, I am 'Of The Blood'... Yet I cannot even handle the demons within myself... I'll put up something Assarim wrote today while in class...

Lied, Tied, Died
Balance well on razor's edge,
Look over the canyon's ledge,
Let temptation be your guide,
Know all truths were as good as lied...

Let the shadows take control,
Let them tear the immortal soul,
You've failed your duty and your role,
Your fate is sealed and tied...

Mighty Dragon you know you fell,
Your guts are splattered across all hell,
Your time has come with ringing bell,
You need to see that you have died...

Damn myself... Damn my selves... I want to be just me... But they won't let go...

The Mind's A Cruel Thing...

2005-08-07T02:02:00.000+08:00

It's safe to say that The Dragon is out of his element... There's been a lot going on in my life in the past few weeks, and all those thoughts are constantly in my head... Did I see The Phoenix? What did The Princess mean with what she said? Can I trust the Magus with the secrets I told him? Aaargh, I need to get these thoughts out of my head, but I can't...
I think by now you all have noticed my tendency to refer to those in my life as characters and metaphors from a fantasy context... I don't know, it's a bad habit I picked up somewhere... However, it does help me to define who they are, and in the process define myself as well... I am, as you all are sure by now, The Dragon, better known as Sylverphyre... I'm not the only Dragon in my 'world', but I am the only one that seeks The Phoenix... The Phoenix, the love, the one that will have a hold on my heart... The Princess title has been passed around for a while, but currently it's on this one individual that's managed to keep the title longer than expected...
Yes, I know I'm rambling... But I'm awake, it's 2+ in the morning, and I've a mind that's plagued with thoughts, so bear with me ok? Once again, I couldn't get the vision of the Phoenix out of my head the whole day... I still can't believe I saw her yesterday... It can't be, can it? I still carry the scorched scars from my last encounter with her... How can there be a new Phoenix, when the scars of the old still remain upon my scalded scales?
Switching back to reality for a moment, yesterday I had to send Soraya home after she had dinner with my sister and some of her friends... It was a cast party of sorts for a performance they held recently... She needed a ride home, and me being my typical draconic self, couldn't say no... Was fun though, we talked and laughed... Still, she insisted she pay for the ice-cream, and even took my wallet to stop me from my tostesterone-ish rights of paying for it! Shame on you girl, taking my privileges away like that! Haha, kiddin'... It was fun, really good to smile again... To laugh, that's a whole different matter, but she did make me smile...
I also had to be the 'dragon' in shining armour later that night when a D.I.D. (Damsel In Distress) called me asking for help... Someone had spiked her drink with ecstacy in a club, and she wanted to leave before things got out of hand... Proud of her in that she managed to control herself and call for help... Been down that road, and know it wasn't easy... I pretty much sent her home and made sure she was okay before leaving... Wouldn't forgive myself if anything happened to her...
Talked to a close friend about the incident that night... She told me I care too much, that I should stop caring about others and start caring about myself... I can't agree on that though... We are defined by those around us, and I for one care about others more than myself... It's not what you can do for yourself, but what you can do for others that really matters... At least that's the way I see things... Of course, there are those that'd take advantage of the situation... I guess that's what my friend's afraid will happen to me... I mean, it wouldn't be the first time... You'd think I'd learn my lessson by now, but I just can't grasp the concept that genuine kindness has no place in the modern world...
I'm not praising myself here... I'm not saying I'm not selfish or anything... We're humans... Selfishness is a part of who we are whether we like it or not... I am far from perfect, if at all... It's just that seeing how our race has fallen so far so fast, and the fact that we not only deny the truth, but condemn ourselves even further by living the lie is disappointing... Yes, I'm really rambling now... I know that... Sorry, people... Haha... Too much in my head...
I think I'll end things here for now... If I don't I'll be sitting here typing away till the sun rises... Actually, probably even later than that... This is The Dragon, now and forever, contemplating...

Phoenix Born...?

2005-08-06T14:38:00.000+08:00

Was it an illusion? A mere hallucination of my senses? I don't know, I just don't know... I could've sworn I saw it last night... Those flames, the fire... I saw The Phoenix last night... I saw MY Phoenix... I don't know, I just don't know...
We talked and laughed... We touched and smiled... I cared for her, worried for her... I don't want to say too much, don't want to shatter that image I have of her in my heart, my soul... I saw The Phoenix last night...
I am The Dragon, and I think I've found my Phoenix... But I won't lie, the fear and apprehension is there... I've been burnt one too many times by the fires that were supposed to give warmth... I swore to myself I would not hold on to The Phoenix until I have assessed the situation at hand, but I find myself breaking that promise... Her flames are hypnotic, the fires intoxicating... The Dragon is losing himself, and he wants to... I'm rambling here, I know I am... But I can't help it... Can't get the thoughts out of my head... Can't get her out of my head...

Dragon Inspired...

2005-08-05T22:14:00.000+08:00

Well, stoning at home, bored out of my mind, and inspired to write the thoughts in my head... What can I say, I've got too much to say, and too little time to do it... Haha, very funny... I've been lazing around the whole day, doing nothing with just my thoughts for company... How sad is that, eh? Damn it, I really need to find something to do with my wasted life! Well, no point moaning about it... Might as well do something about it... I wrote a few poems throughout the day, some good, some bad, some which didn't even come close to sounding like poetry... I know, I know, Monday was supposed to be poetry day, but I can't help it... Sitting at home with your mind in a reality all its own can do the weirdest things... Anyway, let the words start comin'... Hopefully you people like them... These were the best three from the shitload that I wrote today...

THIN LINE

Walk the narrow road to light,
With blindfold on devoid of sight,
Balance held with muscles tight,
You're alone to bear this savage plight...

One wrong step and you'll be gone,
To never see another dawn,
Like everyone else you're just a pawn,
With each beat of heart and breathe that's drawn...

So stay strong and look ahead,
Move along with careful tread,
You walk along the edge of blade,
With heart so pure you'll keep this stead...

FALL OF MANKIND

In ages past a single touch could change the course of time,
A written word or whispered sigh could do the same in rhyme,
Such was the gift of human will that hearts could breach the soul,
An ancient time so long past that all that's left is a gaping hole...

The tender touch has changed from such first to striking blade,
Modern age brings guns and bombs to destroy all that we've made,
From touch to push to cut to slash to burn to bullet shot,
Such annihilation wasn't enough that we came with plagues of rot...

The ways of speech have fallen too that nothing's left that's true,
The only truth that you can trust is the truth you find in you,
Words are used to manipulate to ones own desire,
And all that brings when closing comes is falling ash and fire...

Mankind has yet to learn the gifts imbued within our hearts,
Though men are all the same we've divided ourselves to parts,
The many tribes and nations wage a war just to be on top,
We've yet to learn our actions will cause mankinds heart to a stop...

WE ARE AS YOU ARE
Who are we to say that we are who we say we are?
Who are we to say that you are who you say you are?
We are who we say we are by what you say we are,
And you are who you say you are by what we say you are...

Well, that's enough of poetry for the day, or rather the week... Or at least that's what I say for now... Haha, I'm bored, tired, and my minds awake with all these thoughts about theology, mythology... Aaargh! Need sleep... The restless mind is the biggest bitch of them all... Hope you all enjoyed the poetry...

Shining Armour, Dulled Intellect

2005-08-05T13:42:00.000+08:00

Well, it's been a rather boring since my last entry... Some things of interest did happen, but still I found it rather dull on the whole... I spent the whole of Wednesday evening after class looking for my friend Myia... She called me using a public phone telling me she was stuck in TTDI without any cash... Me being the knight in shining armour, I sped off to meet up with her... She wasn't where she said she'd be... I spent more than an hour going around the area looking for her, but she wasn't there... Bloody hell, I was pissing in my pants, was really worried for her... Then I find out she actually already walked home and went to sleep... My god, Myia, don't you ever, EVER, do that again girl... This just goes to show you, the knight in shining armour, while is definitely bright in an illuminatory sense, is nowhere near bright when it comes to intellect... Joy of joys...
Thursday isn't really even worth mentioning about, apart from me giving Soraya a Tarot reading... Once again, my accuracy proves to be rather on the mark... Who the diviner? I'm da diviner! Also spent a short time with Myia, picked her up from her dad's office after college to send her home... Honestly, I really don't know what to think of this girl... She's one of the dearest and sweetest girls I've met, yet her wild streak might just burn her to ashes... I've seen it happen before, and I don't want to stand by and watch the flames rage without doing anything about it again... First time was with Masira, my ex-fiancee... That was a futile attempt at trying to hold in a volcanic eruption... In the end, all I ended up doing was getting burnt myself... Go figure... At least further down the road, she apologised to me... That was something really unexpected... Just goes to show, just as angels can fall, so too can devils touch the gates of heaven once more...
Well, at the end of all this, all I can say is... The Dragon has a bad tendency to find and hold on to a Phoenix just as she's about to go up in a ball of fiery conflagration... I gotta learn to keep my emotions in check...
I'll leave you all now with another poem from The Dragon...

The broken fallen dying star,
What could've been could've gone so far,
But fate denies such shining light,
The eternal shadows of a starless night...

Till the next entry then... This is The Dragon...

Drunken Dragon...

2005-08-02T20:33:00.000+08:00

Once again, I survived a day of college... Today was rather eventful, with three of the top faculty members talking to our class about our letter of complaint... That was a real bitch... What was said shall remain unknown, as to save my skin here... If they found my blog, I'd be strung up and hung to dry... Blekz! Well, other than that, it was a rather chillout day... Stoned in my BM class... Also bought some cupcakes from Soraya for charity! It was for animals, I couldn't resist! Me loves me animals! Haha... Thanks a lot, Soraya... The cupcakes were actually rather good... Apart from that, been stoning at home... Also went out around dinner time to meet up with Hamsa and Azril, and we had a few beers together... Good times, good times indeed... Thanks bros! Well, dunno what else to say... Layaning the alcohol that's in my system at the mo...

Monday Mourning...

2005-08-01T14:05:00.000+08:00

Well, another day in college over and done with... Blekz... Damn boring, as usual... Could barely stay awake! Accompanied Yvonne for lunch though... That was fun, we talked about a lot of stuff, especially some of my history... Ah well, it's good to go into your memories and talk about them once in a while... Also, Soraya surprised me with chocolates! Yummy! Didn't last long, finished them even before I got back to class... Thanks Soraya! The 'Stop Smoking' part was well... Aagh... I'm tryin' girl, I'm tryin'! Anyway, despite the boredom, I did manage to write a few pieces of poetry which I was rather happy with... Hmmm, maybe I'll make monday 'Poetry Day'... 'Monday Poetry' has a nice ring to it... Anyway, here I go... Wrote this in my ISP class...

THE PATH TO THE TRUTH

I fear the path...
I fear the truth...

I turn and run the other way,
Yet find I have not moved,
Dragged along against my will,
I'm a victim of destiny's sway...

I need the path...
I need the truth...

I blindly wander through my life,
A leaf swept off by storm and gale,
No answers to the questions asked,
I'm stabbing wildly with my knife...

I face the path...
I face the truth...

I now believe in what I do,
With will is strong as steel,
The way is not in shadow now,
I'm sure now that my path is true...

I know the path...
I know the truth...

Well, hope you all liked it... That's it for now... Till the next post!

A Savvy Sunday...

2005-08-01T00:08:00.000+08:00

Well, today was a rather enjoyable day, I guess... After my last post, I got ready to go out and spent the day chilling out with friends, both old and new... Haha, we even went mad with the camera for a while! It was really good to spend time with friends... As I said in my previous post, the depression is kickin' in, and the time with them today helped things a lot... Here's one of Myia posing in all her glory! Blekz... Anyway, me and Li-Ann ended up watching "The Island" at Megamall later at night, and I gotta say it really helps going into a movie with a negative expectations! I found the movie to be great, despite exploring an age-old idea... Does a clone have a soul, a spirit?
Well, there's a good question which can't really be answered... Same with the "machine spirit" crap... I mean, we don't even know how to describe or define a soul, let alone prove that it exists... But then again, the soul is an intangible concept, so you can't really prove it... Dear lord, it's near 12.30am, I've got to wake up tomorrow by 6 for college, and here I am rambling about this shit... Aaagh! I'll deal with this topic about souls and spirits tomorrow after class... Till then, this is it for this entry!

Let Dragon's Fall...

2005-07-31T13:47:00.000+08:00

Well, I'm awake, and I know my previous (and first) post was rather abrupt... Not like you can blame me though... I mean, it WAS 5.30 in the morning... LOL! Anyway, here's some news that's definitely worth sharing... My Chinchillas have a little baby! It's like, running all over the place now... Best part is, it's probably about a month old, yet no one in the house noticed it before this... But oh my god, it is so damn adorable!!!
Well, the baby rabbits that we had are for sale now as well, my dad's selling them somewhere in Mont Kiara... We're keeping Tripod, the 3-legged bunny though... Story behind that, one of its forefeet got tangled with some of the nest bedding, and unfortunately, it lost the appendage... So now it's hoppin' around on all three of its remaining feet... A little sad, but kinda good to know it's living on despite its handicap...
On my part, I'm starting to enter a depressive state, yet again... For those of you who know me, what's new, eh? Haha! Anyway, I gotta get ready, going out for lunch...

The Dragon's Tale Begins...

2005-07-31T05:23:00.000+08:00

Well, what can I say, the pressure of my oh so wonderful friends finally got to me. hence the start of my blog. Don't know why everyone wanted me to start one, considering what a twisted view of life I have. Then again, when I think about it, that just might be the reason why they wanted me to. Used to have another blog, but I can't for the life of me remember what the damn password was... Ah well, here's the new one then...
Well, I guess I'll start with a formal introduction. My name is Zain Hamzah bin Hamzah, I'm 22 years old this year, and I'm still a student. I'm currently studying in Taylors PJ and will hopefully get my degree by 2007. My major is Journalism, mainly due to my passion for writing. I'm living the single life, or at least have been doing so for the past 2 months or so.
Honestly speaking, I'm not in a good state to do anything right now considering it's 5.30 or so in the morning. I'll start getting into more detail when I'm more awake, more conscious, and most importantly, more sane!